Frustrated *letting out steam*

Hannah, her track coach and I at my first 5k!

I’ve been running for almost 5 years and for the majority of the those years, I’ve ran with my sister, Hannah. She has always been faster than me (except for a single 10K, in which I beat her), but that hasn’t kept us from logging hundreds of miles together, racing 5Ks, 10Ks, a half-marathon and a 25K. she was there to push me through the hot, cold, wind, ran, torn knee cartilage, wonky IT band and endless times of wanting to quit.

Earlier this year she moved to Southern Illinois, a 10 hour drive away, which obviously has put a dent in our running. However, that didn’t stop me from registering for the 5/3 Riverbank Run 25K with excitement. It was a chance to see what I had on my own! I even won a free race entry by writing an essay on doing this race solo, seeing what I was capable of without her pushing me.

But so far I’ve let myself down. I’m beyond frustrated with me and my lack of running, poor attitude and disappointing paces.

Half-Marathon finishers!!!

My training schedule last year was Tuesday = Speedwork, Thursday = mid-distance/tempo (5 – 8 miles total) and weekend = Long run (6 – 14 miles). This year I was planning on following the same schedule, except changing my runs to Monday, Wednesday, Saturday, so that I could continue to participate in my favorite class, TRX at the gym.

So far I’ve been training for FIVE weeks and have run a total of ZERO full speedwork runs, TWO full mid-distance/tempo runs and suffered through almost all my long runs with an increasingly diminishing pace.

I can’t seem to get in a groove, I’ve had a cold which has left me coughing up phlegm wads mid run and being short of breath after more than a few minutes of running. My attitude/brain seems to be working against me every step of every run, telling me I can’t and shouldn’t be running. That I’m too slow, I should drop out of the race, that I’m too fat, too slow, too tired, too busy, too whatever seems to be my hang up that day. I’ve always been okay with a walk break now and then, but have been able to complete a half-marathon without  a single walk break. Now I find myself walking every few minutes, beating myself up for being weak.

Even my runs this week have been poor – a delayed 9.4 miles on Sunday was miserable, “speedwork” on Monday was 1.5 miles in 14:10 with a walk break and my “mid-distance/tempo” was 3.1 miles in 30:02 with walk breaks.

Yesterday I got a box of goodies from the Riverbank run in the mail to help promote the race. The loot included 4 packs of GU, 2 RBR  long sleeve t-shrits, a RBR water bottle, a carrying bag, RBR magnets, 15.5 stickers, RBR pens and a RBR DVD. I was pumped, my enthusiasm returned! I was ready to get past those old hang ups and start  RBR 2011 training take 2!

I was excited to knock off 10 miles this morning. I hydrated yesterday, enjoyed a couple extra breadsticks with dinner and got 8 hours of good sleep. I got up, ate my PB&J, mapped 2 5 mile loops and was thrilled with weather channel reported temps of 32, clouds and 5 mph winds.

I got dressed (tights, shorts, smart wool socks, long sleeve, pullover, gloves, headband), cued up “Cougar’s Running Mix”, grabbed my water and a vanilla GU and headed out the door. I slipped, but didn’t fall in the driveway. I started out and before I even ran 1 minute, decided to call it quits. The roads were so slick from a fine powdery snow and wintery mix that fell and moisture from melted snow that refroze overnight.

5/3 Riverbank Run Finishing!!

Frustrated, I slipped and slid my way back into the house and cried. This training has SUCKED! I don’t thing I’ve had a single run when I’ve enjoyed myself and have had way more doubts then moments of confidence. I just feel lost, not sure what to try next to turn this training around. And I think the worst part is that it isn’t physical, I don’t have an injury and I’m not sore.  I’ve been doing everything right physically, stretching, yoga, using my stick, icing my legs but I can’t seem to shake the demons that are plaguing my every step.

So today I’m left to figure out what to do with this extra time this morning and debate washing my hair. And trying to figure out how to make tomorrow’s run a new start.

What are you tips for a new attitude?

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3 responses to “Frustrated *letting out steam*

  1. Katie,
    I have no tips for running, sorry. You are an inspiration to try this, even when people (like me) may call you “crazy”… you know I really don’t mean really crazy!? Don’t let those negative thoughts get the better of you… you can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you! I am cheering for you and sometimes I wish I had the guts to try it.
    Be strong and courageous!

  2. Running always ebbs and flows for me too. Sometimes it’s insanely easy, sometimes I want to kill myself. Last year after I ran the Country Music Half Marathon (May) I couldn’t run any more. I was so mentally defeated by the race that I didn’t start running regularly again until January of this year.

    It will get better. You are tougher than you think.

  3. i hope you’ve got the kinks worked out. that’s a tough place to be in.

    and the whole “debating on washing my hair” thing? LOVE it! only an athlete would think something like that. 😛 i wash mine so much i try to get out of it as often as possible!

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